Soooo, firstly, Happy Bi pride day everybody! And since this beautiful day happened to fall on the fall equinox, as well as a full moon, I decided that it was time to share a lil’ lovin’ with the greenies.
So here’s my recipe for a fertilizer that is literally from the good ol’ shit in your house, just lying around.
You’ll need (look at bottom for alternatives) :
Dried Eggshells (I have a jar in my kitchen so that if anyone ever cracks an egg, the shell goes in there. Recycle where possible friends, that is the motto of a poor and environmentally-friendly witch) (And by dried I mean left in the sun or on a paper towel for a day.)
Used and Dried Teabags (also left in the sun for a day or too or at least until all the herbs are dried. This can be loose tea as well, just BTW)
Charcoal (a burnt piece of wood. AND ONLY LIKE a pINcH GUYS, READ THE EXPLANATION AT THE END FOR WHY. Store bought ones are a big no-no, as the charcoals there have chemicals in them that aren’t so good for the green baes, so from your fireplace is the best)
Coffee Grounds (Literally one of the best fertilizers out there. Since I am not a coffee drinker, I sometimes stop by the coffee shop on the way home with an empty ice cream tub and ask for them there. But guys, seriously, use only used coffee grounds. They won’t change the pH of your soil, but unused ones will. DRASTICALLY.)
Epsom salt (Like a teaspoon)
Dried leaves, grass or flowers
Moon water (whatever phase you think is appropriate) (Optional)
Sugar water (Optional)
Tools:
Pestle and Mortar (or just two rocks I guess. Anything that’ll let you grind stuff up finely)
A jar to store it in. Air tight is best, but not required.
Method:
Do whatever you like to do before a ritual, potion or spell. Make a circle, cleanse everything, you do you, make yourself comfy and protected. And set out everything. Nothing breaks the mood like getting up because you forgot your eggs in the next room.
Grind ‘em Up: I like to start with the eggshells, and grind them till they are as close as I can get to a powder. Try to achieve a powder or as close as you can get to one with all of this, it just makes it easier for the plant to absorb the numnums. Add everything dry, one ingredient at a time, grinding anti-clockwise to dispel any bad stuff that could be clinging to your shit.
Imprison the food: I like using jars, air tight preferably, but once again, you do you. Once everything is at your standard of “powder”, pour everything in (You might want to use a funnel if the container has a small opening). Give it a quick stir, with either a spoon, stick or even your wand if you use yours in gardening like I use mine. (”But Holly”, I hear you cry, “how on earth do you use a wand in gardening?” Sssshhhh, don’t stress my lil’ onion, I’ll talk about that another time)
Release the flood gates: This is the point where I add the liquids. While stirring, gently pour in a lil water (I prefer new moon water, there are soo many recipes, look that stuff up) and a drop or two of sugar water. Just a bit though, only enough to make everything damp, not soaking.
Feed the Greenies: Once you think it’s ready (you might want to sing or whisper a wishing over the mixture while you stir), spoon a little bit around the base of each plant. If you decided against the liquids, then just sprinkle that shit like the salt meme guy. You might want to sing or talk to your plants while you do it. I for one have very paranoid plants, so I just tell them what I am feeding them and why, just to avoid the panic of Calypso the Basil Plant.
And tadaa, you’re done! I give my plants more once every week, because I don’t like to spoil my children.
And now, I do realize that there are some who have no clue why I use the ingredients that I do, and so I’ll explain a lil’ and provide some alternatives in case you don’t have an ingredient on hand.
Eggshells: Protection. Plus, the calcium in them is suuppeerrr good for the plants, as it helps them grow strong stems and leaves. No-one wants a spineless plant, they’re always depressed so let’s avoid that.
Alternatives: Oyster shells. If for some god damn reason you have oyster shells lying around, but no eggshells in sight. But hey, we don’t judge here. We just observe, reasonably impressed. Grind em up like you would the eggshells, and get on to it. Powder milk also works super well.
Tea: Depends on the tea really. Different herbs have different correspondences, however I don’t think you’ll be drinking anything that is meant to curse you, so everything you drink is a good addition to your plants.
Alternatives: Dried herbs, loose leaf tea, or even just more dried leaves or grass.
Charcoal: Protection and grounding. The stuff is a great for putting lime and potassium in the soil, but you can make your plant suffer from shit like actual honest to god burns. Don’t do that to them guys, it’s rude.
Alternatives: Dried banana skin (You might need to chop it finely (Like super fine) and then try to grind it, but only when it’s 100% dry)
Coffee Grounds: Grounding, peace and dispelling of the negative energy and shit. It adds nitrogen (the shit needed for the plants to grow good healthy leaves) and helps with water drainage. But seriously, use them first. Unused ones are extremely acidic, so that’s a no-no unless you need to increase soil acidity I guess)
Alternatives: Blood meal. If you don’t have that lying around (honestly, why would you) then you can either go to a slaughter house for it, for make it yourself. Or hair. Any hair, your hair, pet hair. Pluck that stuff straight from your hair brush, cut it cup and mix it in. Or make yourself a cup of coffee.
Epsom Salts: Protection and cleansing. Reeeaalllyyy good for plants, top notch 10 outta 10 kinda stuff. Gives the plants the good ol’ Mg needed for photosynthesis and sulfur for a bunch of stuff, including root growth.
Alternatives: NOT KITCHEN SALT YOU WILL KILL YOUR CHILDREN. Used matches, however, can be soaked in water till soft-ish and shoved in there for that magnesium, and manure is good for sulfur, if you are willing to deal with touching it, or have it causally lying around. Once again, we don’t judge here, just sit, sipping our tea, mildly impressed.
Dried leaves, flowers and grass: Plants are cannibals. It is a savage, but true fact. They just recycle all the good minerals one it has been absorbed, so mash it up and encourage their zombie tendencies.
Alternatives: When I said dried leaves and stuff, I don’t mean just cabbage or anything bought. Go outside (I know, it is a lot to ask but you need to make the effort) and loot your neighbor’s lawnmower. Or your own. Grab a handful of leaves on the ground and stuff them in your pocket while getting pointed looks from the muggles out there. Pick off wilted flower buds, and toss ‘em in.
And that is that! Even if you don’t use the recipe, I hope this can help anyone reading understand the science behind plants a lil more. Enjoy your night guys, and don’t forget to bloom!!!
As we’re going into winter (in the northern hemisphere), you want to slow way down on any kind of fertilizer as even plants that don’t go dormant are going to slow down in growth. Less available light = less photosynthesis = less ability for roots to take up nutrients, especially nutrients that are not in directly available forms and have to break down in the soil first.
But these are some decent ideas! Mainly for outside plants though, most inside plants can have more difficulty breaking down these ingredients (because less light) and in general will need fertilizer less frequently even during the growing season.
Herbs, veggies, fruits, outside garden plants, annuals, etc: yes, good, mix in them homemade ferts. Houseplants and succulents like pothos, aloes, spider plants, jade plants, etc: pass on the homemade ferts or ferts in general until spring.
The best time to add things like this to houseplants are as a soil additive when you repot in spring to give em a slow release of nutrients over the spring and summer.
:^) 